Day Nineteen

Okay, normally Saturdays are one of my days off, but I've decided to fill those days with swimming because... well, I love swimming! Today was my first "official" swim day and I went in with a limited time and thought I'd do pretty poorly because I had 40 minutes, so I went in thinking I would probably do half a mile, but I pushed myself and took hardly any breaks... needless to say, for my first swim, I swam 1800m - that's more than a mile! I can improve A LOT, but... I swam a freaking mile! :)

When a Miracle Happens - Days 16, 17, & 18

So... thanks to my visitor that has decided to stay past its welcome... my numbers on the scale have been pretty consistent - losing 2 lbs this past week... I felt like I was ready to give up, but then something happened. While most may not call it this, but it's what I'm going to refer to it as... a miracle. I have a frienemy in my house... it has been there my entire life and I avoid this frienemy at all costs, I figure most of you have this same frienemy, it's called a mirror. If I don't HAVE to look in it, I don't. I don't look in it when I brush my teeth, I turn my back to it after I get out of the shower, I walk right past it and never look it in the eye! That blasted mirror! Well, the mirror caught me this time and this is what I found:

What is THAT?! A not-so-bulging belly?! Working out is working?! Eating healthier actually does help you lose weight? Shock! That is what came over me. I leapt in the air, today I danced and I danced hard, worked my abs, hips, legs, arms, everything... it was a breakthrough. The scale tells me one thing, the mirror told me another as did the measuring tape... yep, I've lost inches! I'm super excited and have so much more to write, but it's late, I need sleep because tomorrow is my "rest day" and I'm going to go do some laps in the pool! Hope you've all had successful and fun weeks! :)

Lucky Number 13... and days 14 & 15.

These past three days have been rough. I started Sunday thinking of a list of my motivations - my reasons for losing weight. My friend Jamie made one and I thought it was an awesome idea, something I could hang next to my little black dress on my wall - the one I hope to fit into soon. With my list came a litany of emotions and I thought since I am coming clean and being honest on this blog, I should just let it all out and be done with it and work to move on from here on out. So... I'm sorry this is going to be a mostly selfish blog entry, not so much informative, but maybe someday it will help someone else in a similar situation.

Elementary school was a nightmare for me. I started out in Kindergarten in Oklahoma, we moved to Texas for 1st grade and I went to a Christian private school and it was nothing short of horrifying - they MADE me lie - they asked every first grader to write a story about something they stole. I told my teacher I had never stolen anything and she said "Everyone has, just think" and when I told her I had honestly never stolen anything, even accidentally she grew exasperated with me and the entire class was looking at me. I felt like an outcast so I made up some story about stealing a cookie out of a cookie jar in a neighbor's apartment... I went home in tears. Mom withdrew me and enrolled me at another smaller private school where I went for 3 years, then in 4th grade I had to go to a public school, luckily I had a few neighborhood friends at that school, but the transition was still a little tough. 6th grade I had to move to yet another school in another town - I once decided to be color coordinated and wore a black and yellow number... only to be called "bumblebee" for the rest of the day with kids laughing at me, including my crush. Luckily (maybe unluckily) we stayed in the same town from 7th grade through 12th. Anyway, the early transitions to 4 different elementary schools were rough... I had also hit that awkward stage before the growth spurt where kids get chubby, then sprout up. Unfortunately I already had an "outsider" complex and kids making fun of my weight just made it that much worse. I bucked up, when 7th grade hit I ran for student council president and got it, I was a cheerleader, on the track team, basketball team, but something else happened. In these junior high years I barely made the basketball team (my dad and brothers all played basketball throughout school), I think they let me on because I was crying. Then came time for our team pictures and I had a pudgy belly and in the group shot of cheerleaders one popular girl was mad because she had to be the person on her hands and knees while another girl stood on her back so... I ended up being that person. It wouldn't have been a problem if that's what I was given, but I was next to the head cheerleader in the picture and this girl was talking about how stupid it made her feel, etc., etc. - basically she was complaining about looking like a "dog" so then I got demoted to that position, reluctantly. Yeah, it's true - things stick with you from early on and if you used to be a bully, you may want to think about that.

I can already see this is going to be too long-winded so I'm going to break it down and just get through the rest of this. In high school I was sexually harassed by a classmate, propositioned, and horrified from there after. I didn't want anything to do with any boys and pretty much stayed away, secretly harboring whatever crushes I had. I wanted to get out of high school, after the harassment I put on a little more weight. After high school I was raped by my boyfriend at the time and my world fell apart. I had held on to the ideology of "one person for life" and that virginity belongs to the husband and wife, etc. I stayed in the relationship and gained more weight and finally broke the relationship off after years. A few years later I ran into the person I truly thought was the love of my life, except that he cheated on me with at least one girl, he was a master manipulator and I wasn't in good shape mentally so it was easy to continue in a relationship based on distrust - I did it once, maybe this one was different and he wasn't lying to me though. So no, as it turns out... he wasn't. So from the weight gain that started in high school and only recently ended... I added 150 lbs. to my 5'8" frame.

I'm fortunate that I have not suffered any health problems from the weight gain, blood tests are all exceptional, blood pressure is great, blood glucose levels are exceptional, cholesterol is low, by all means - I have maintained "health" while growing obese. Mentally is another story altogether. I'm broken, I broke down this weekend, did everything I was supposed to do, but as I wrote my motivations, I had to think back on all the things I wanted to be... so, without further ado, here is my list:


1.) To dance again. My passion was always dance, even next to the stick figure ballerinas... one thing that made me feel wonderful was dance. It's who I am and I will be a dancer again... soon. To dance in a leotard and tights and not feel like the hippos in Fantasia.

2.) To help other people struggling with their health because of their weight - I want to help people, but if you don't help yourself first... how can another person trust you to help them?

3.) To not be ashamed of going to the pool in a swimming suit.

4.) To do more active things and take photographs - hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing, skiing, snowboarding, kayaking...

5.) To do whatever I want to do and have nothing holding me back from reaching my goals.

6.) To love myself and take this weight off that I've been using as a buffer between myself and society.

7.) To be the person I know I am and have always known is inside of me. I don't feel like a person that lazes around, munches, lazes around some more, does the bare minimum... I feel like a person that can do anything, it's time to stop being that scared girl and see the strength that brought me this far.

8.) Cocktail dresses... I have always wanted to wear these cute dresses, but I just look ridiculous in them... :)

Day(s) Eleven & Twelve

This week has been a crazy week, at times I seem overwhelmed with everything I have to keep up with. I have to count calories, I have to make sure I eat what I'm supposed to eat before and after the gym, I have to make it to the gym and be there 'x' hours/minutes, measure food, drink 64 oz. of water, yadda, yadda, yadda! When I think I'm getting the hang of things it's like I have something else I have to pile on top of it, something else to adjust... last week was the amount of calories I was taking in, now that I'm taking in enough calories I need to figure out my weights and maybe do more reps instead of doing fewer reps with more weight... this came to my attention when I was doing 100 lb. presses and a guy with major muscles was using the same machine with the same weight, same number of reps. My Dad was a coach for a portion of his life and he has always been physically fit, still works out at 69 years old and he voiced some concern - while I was bragging about my ability to do all this heavy lifting, he asked what I was trying to do. I told him I wanted to lose weight through muscle building, he said I need to use lower weights and do more reps and that will get the "tone" I am looking for. We argued about this until we were blue in the face, but my numbers don't lie - my method is working. You see, muscle burns more calories than your fat does, about 5x as much actually - strength training combined with cardio will help you get that ultimate "burn" people that want to lose weight are looking for. My next thought was "So what if I get bulky?" That is not what I'm going for, but I fully believe that if you get to a point where you are more muscular than you want to be, you can adjust your routine accordingly and lower your weights! Honestly, the form I most want is likened to Jillian Michaels (see below).

 

I realize no two body types are the same, but I'd like to be this toned with her arm muscles and partially well-defined abs - to me, she looks awesomely fit and extremely healthy. New subject!

My friend, Jamie at http://beyondthefat.blogspot.com/, has made a list of her motivations to lose weight, I only have a little black dress hanging on the wall that I aspire to fit in eventually, but I love her idea of having a list! Something to look at on those days when you're ready to throw in the towel for the day or when you just want to take a day off. I challenge everyone to do this - I think it is something positive to add and can help you mentally prepare for the weight loss "journey." So... I will be back Sunday or Monday with my list! Feel free to respond with your own, maybe I'll modify mine as time goes by and I get more responses! :) Hope you've all had a good day, sorry my entries haven't been daily, it will get better as I adjust to my new school/study schedule.

Day Nine & Ten

This is a tough blog to post...

Yesterday was my weigh-in day and I was devastated to find out I had only lost 1.2 lbs after busting my butt all week at the gym, so I decided I needed to bust it again and went to the pool and tried to work off the other 8.8 lbs I wanted to lose during the week. Sadly, weight loss doesn't work like that. Fortunately for me, I found out a small little reason I didn't lose as much as I expected - water weight. Squeamish gentlemen stop reading here, I'll start a new paragraph that you can begin reading. I have been so focused on measuring foods, scheduling workouts, doing school assignments, and taking care of my Mom that I had forgotten one very important thing - my menstrual cycle. I awoke this morning and suddenly realized that I was not going crazy and my body was not rebelling, it was doing what it does every month before my period - adding water weight, but this time I still managed to LOSE 1.2 lbs. I figure at least 5 lbs. is going to be water weight so for my next weigh in I can probably expect a fairly dramatic loss. It is SO easy to get discouraged when you are trying to lose weight and you get a smaller number than you were expecting or even gain a little... we don't need to let that happen though, it's imperative to keep a positive attitude and accept that things happen, our body plateaus, we have a particularly stressful/busy week. Even with all these reasons, we should never use these as an excuse to give up or take a break from what we're doing. It would be so easy to say "Oh, screw it! I am done, I'm just going to eat healthy and hope that's enough,"or simply "I give up, this is just how I am." Remember... once you set your mind to it, follow through.

I've found myself becoming hungry late at night... for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact that I'm not eating enough calories - I've got to learn to better manage my meals and eating times. Secondly, I'm staying up way later than usual and doing things such as this blog and using Netflix to find documentaries about weight loss, organic foods, vegan diets, etc. A movie that I ran across awhile back was "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead," it made me question many things. You see, the film is about a man named Joe who is overweight, on medications for numerous conditions due to obesity, and is pretty much knocking on death's door if he didn't do something to help himself. Joe documents his journey to a healthier person via juicing. While the film is very informative and shines a light on many things including the average American diet... the big attention grabber was the fact that Joe lost around 80 lbs. in 60 days just by juicing alone. Another guy, Phil, lost an astonishing amount of weight as well. Both went on to keep the weight off, but are still in an "overweight" weight range. Still... much better than morbidly obese. Here is the movie if you're interested, this is hulu, it's free to watch:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/289122/fat-sick-and-nearly-dead

I have to admit I thought numerous times of doing what he did in the video, Joe was nice enough to include the prices of the juicing per week, inorganic and organic as well. Sadly... I did not have $1,000 to spend for 60 days of juicing because I am without a job and am going to school. If you have the means - go for it, but please consult a physician before embarking on that fast. It is also important to note that both men added physical activity into their lives to maintain their weight loss and I think it's still important to note that these men are still a bit overweight. With some tweaking, I do believe juicing can be beneficial, even for just a 10-day detox, sadly I think most people that try this will expect to do a 10-day "fast" and go back to their normal way of life and gain everything back. If you can't afford this "miracle diet," it gives you a bit of information on nutrition and is helpful. I honestly learned quite a bit from this video and I've taken countless biology courses - nutrition, anatomy, physiology, microbiology, yadda, yadda... I just want to say one last thing and I'll end the blog for today... taking an easy, fast way to your goal isn't always the answer and CAN backfire, especially if you are unaware of what is going on with your body. It's important to keep your focus on one objective and get there, there are enough details to figure out and fix along the way. :)

Message of the Day: Don't get discouraged, even when you feel like this:

Day Eight

Okay, so this marks the beginning of the second week of this blog, third week of my workout routine/diet change/lifestyle change.

Today was rough, with the diet change and trying a new vegan restaurant, I went way under my calories... again. This time I was 1500 under by dinner time, so I pumped as much as I could into dinner, but 1500 is a lot if you do not eat junk food. I still have somewhere near 800 calories left and I was stuffed so I had to stop trying.

It's so hard going in to the gym and looking around at so many fit people... it's hard to think that when they look at you they aren't muttering something derogatory about you under their breath, but it just isn't true. I'm sure there are some people that may be like that, but I know there are some that have been in the same boat or are in the same boat... and some of them just genuinely hope you stick to it and tough it out. People that are at the gym to be healthy should be supportive of anyone that walks through that door wanting to improve themselves and if they don't, what does it matter? Do you really care what a person that empty and superficial thinks? If you do... you shouldn't. Just think about the leaps and bounds you're making just by stepping into a gym!

Another thing - when life just seems to deal you blow after blow... you just don't WANT to get up and do anything. You feel bad, you don't want to do anything - GET TO THE GYM! Or do something active! Get your exercise on, release some endorphins and your mood will pick up in no time flat!

One more thing - once you get your schedule going around the gym... don't do the same things over and over. Work different areas different days. The last thing you want is to get bored with your workout. Try mixing up the intensity of your cardio - go hard and slow it down, but always keep your heart rate up! I work chest and shoulders one day, biceps and back the next and legs after that... cardio is a part of my everyday routine, even my days off. Those cardiac muscles are the key to life, take care of them.

This coming week I will be adding swimming to my week, we'll see if I'm completely worn out next Sunday! Haha :)

Day Six & Seven - Changing the Diet UP!

After having a lot of problems, I have decided to completely cut meat out of my diet - for the moment I will be leaving eggs in my diet though. There are just a few reasons for this decision - first and foremost is the fact that I would never be able to kill an animal myself and then eat it. The whole pre-packaged killed animal does something to ease the conscience about taking the life of a living creature. It's been something I have struggled with for years - I was a vegan at 14 years of age and upon doctor's request I went back to a normal diet - integrating more dairy and eventually meat came back into my life. I've read up on protein and how it's too complex for our bodies to break down properly and most of the meat we ingest is expelled from our body... something else that made me start thinking again. On top of all of this - I noticed on the days I ate only vegetables I felt better than when I incorporated meat and dairy into the diet. It is absolutely possible to get all the necessary vitamins and nutrients from a plant-based diet.

Now... onto a few tips that may help you like they helped me.
1.) Buy smaller utensils so the "bites" aren't as big. I have small spoons that are similar to baby spoons, slightly larger - this will give you a feeling of being satiated because of the amount of time you are taking to consume the food on your plate.


2.) Chew slower - I remember seeing a show where one of the girls had a certain number of times she would chew her food. That's a bit extreme, but eating slower and chewing a little more can be beneficial. It takes your body about 20 minutes to reach the feeling of being "full," so if you eat quickly it is very easy to overeat. At the beginning of your new eating regimen, I suggest measuring, weighing... doing whatever you need to do to ensure that you have the correct number of calories on the plate in front of you.


3.) Little things can help you get to the place you want to be. Small adjustments can make you feel better, even on the days you think are absolute crap. These things that make me happy are making sure I look my best every day. I'm a big girl, but I take pride in the way I handle myself and the image that I project. I want people to know that I do care about myself and there's more to this than meets the eye. When I dress sloppy casual... I feel like crap, I don't feel like getting out and doing anything, I just want to veg on the couch and watch television and snack on random crap all day long. When I look how I feel... I'm ready to go out and conquer the world. Yes, that means every now and then I do it up big - high heels, curling iron, and the occasional dress. I make sure I brush my teeth 3 times a day - morning, afternoon, and right before bed. I make sure I have breakfast every morning (when I don't... it's bad!). I make sure to drink my full 8 glasses of water a day. I pluck those darn eyebrows when they start growing out. Sometimes I paint my nails, sometimes I don't. I know you may be thinking "oh em gee, this girl is so vapid," but truth be known... losing weight is about projecting an image too. I want to be the person I feel like, the person I believe I am, not this overweight person that sometimes likes to do nothing but watch television all day on a Saturday. I LOVE animals, I love the outdoors, I LOVE sweating... so why am I not out doing what I love? This leads me to the final thought for the day...


4.) Become the person you want to be. I am 150% an animal and people person. I have always wanted to help people and animals alike (yes, I know... people ARE animals, but well... deal with it! Hah). Why am I constantly trying to find a "secure" job with high pay when I will just end up regretting my choices and being bitter in the end? What is money in the grand scheme of things? Maybe I won't have that mansion, but I'll have my happiness and peace of mind knowing I did what I was truly meant to do, what my "calling" was for lack of a better term.

With that... I bid you adieu. I hope you are all faring well in the changes you are making in your lives. We all deserve happiness... let's find it! We may fall short here and there, but get back up - we got this.

Day Five

Today I came to a few realizations.

1.) I am good when it comes to goal-oriented stuff.
2.) If you know what you're doing and seeing results - it's okay to share that with people.
3.) Some people will gladly take your help if you offer it.
4.) Toffee cake should be outlawed.

That's right, tonight was my cheat night. Luckily... I didn't overdo it. A strange thing happened today, I was asked if I would be willing to train two ladies and their friends - I'm not a trainer nor do I look like a trainer, but I do know what I'm doing and I know the proper form and how to get results. I was still shocked because... I'm in worse shape than these girls looking for help... from ME. Then it dawned on me... why wouldn't you want someone in your court that knows what their doing and isn't perfectly fit? It's like having a friend working toward a goal with you that could help you at the same time. I told them I would help with any questions, show them how equipment works, etc., but I would not charge. I'm not a certified personal trainer, but apparently you don't *have* to be, I still feel  bad though - I'm just a biology student who knows a little bit about the body and nutrition. I do think I could help, but I don't know... just doesn't feel right. If I were just helping my friends it would be one thing, but these are people that I don't know and... I don't know. I can't explain it. On to a new subject.

After seeking help from doctors for weight loss, I honestly came up with a lot of nothing. The only helpful people I spoke with were nutritionists, but even they didn't have all the answers to my questions - specifically about gluten, soy, veganism, etc. The thing about my visits with doctors was that I was "heavy," but healthy. I needed to lose weight, but the weight hadn't taken a toll on my body, heart, etc... YET. It seemed as though when it came to PREVENTATIVE medicine... they didn't know jack. The doctors I talked to seemed to only want to deal with the problem when it arose instead of preventing it from happening in the first place. All of this made me think hard about what I was wanting to do with my biology degree... could I do something positive with something that hits so close to home? You'll have to stay tuned to see the answer to that question!

Every day that I go to the gym I am shocked by the things I can do. I actually sprinted across a parking lot and did not get winded, normally it would take me a few minutes just to calm down from a 2 second sprint to get out of the way of a car! Haha! Small progressions will keep you motivated, you just have to notice them. One major thing anyone should do before they start is to take their measurements - you can't always rely on weight to give you an accurate "reading" on your weekly progress. Don't  be discouraged by the number on the scale, you'll get where you want to be if you keep at it and if you think you need help - go get it! I encourage anyone that wants to join this journey with me to come along! My friend Jamie (http://beyondthefat.blogspot.com/) has her own blog and she is also losing weight - so join both of us and we can help each other along the way! :)

Day Four - When the Going Gets Tough...

you get tougher! There are days where you may feel like you've failed. Today I had a moment of feeling like I just totally blew my diet and felt the need to work my butt off at the gym - I worked out twice as hard and added 20 lbs to every lift. I got home to log my food and found out not only had I NOT gone over my calories, but I was UNDER my calories and I pushed myself into the bracket of being 1000 calories below the amount I needed with the additional workout time. So I suppose since I'm going out with friends tomorrow night, I'll use these extra points in my "bank," except that your body doesn't really work like that, even though I wish it did. It's one thing to eat your calories and go a bit over, but to be significantly under has a tremendous effect on your metabolism and your weight loss for the week. Consistency is key. I know this is another short blog, but it's late...

Day Three - The Hardest Concept to Grasp

As a serial "dieter" I had plenty of time to sit and think about what I was doing wrong. What foods was I eating? How many calories have I ingested? How much of my weight is muscle and how much is fat? Am I genetically designed to be fat? Do I have a thyroid problem? Maybe my cells are mutated and I have a rare inability to lose weight and can only gain! My doctor says I have a "large frame," does that mean I'm supposed to be fat?

Then come the excuses:
I have no time.
I'm just "big boned."
People stare at me if I go into a gym, they're judging me.
I don't have money to get a personal trainer.
I don't have money for a gym membership.
I don't like sweating.
I like eating and life is short, so have "fun."

Finally, the big kahuna: "It's just not worth it."

The worst thing you can tell yourself is that losing weight and gaining back your health is too much of a hassle, too embarrassing, or takes too much of a toll on your schedule that you call a "life." Oftentimes we avoid confrontation, especially when we have to confront ourselves. This is the place weight loss became a problem for me. I would rather starve myself than get out and do something about the excess weight I had put on. I ate so little that my metabolism slowed and it seemed virtually impossible to lose any weight, but easy to gain. I still struggle with this, but I'm trying to get better.

It's a pretty hard thing to digest when you hear from your doctor "You need to eat more so you can regulate your metabolism and lose weight." Um, EXCUSE ME? I have to EAT to LOSE WEIGHT? Psycho, time to find another doctor! I hate to admit it, but... I had to up my eating before I could really lose the weight I was wanting to lose. I had lost 5 lbs here and 3 lbs there, but for consistency I had to make sure I maintained a normal caloric intake and spent some of my calories doing physical activity. I also found that exerting energy via working out gave me more energy throughout the day - the lethargy went away, the necessary afternoon nap was no longer necessary (but still enjoyed here and there), and I found myself actually feeling hungry once again - something I thought I had lost. Today was my day off from the gym and I found myself wanting to hop in my car to go to the gym, but I know my body needs days off to repair from the work I've done and I give myself 2 days off a week from weight lifting. I do continue cardio 7 days a week, mostly brisk walking on my days off. Tuesday and Saturday are the two days I give myself "off," I feel better when I spread those days out and do not have them back-to-back because once you take two days off, that third day is hard to get back to the gym. I will tell you, it is probably worse at the beginning of weight loss, when you get to the point where you look forward to the gym... it's excruciating having to wait two days to go back. It's pretty late so I'll continue this tomorrow!

Day Two

So here it is, Monday... my weekly weigh-in day. This is the day I dread most, which is precisely why I chose MONDAY to be my weigh-in day, to re-wire my thought process. Most of the time the things we associate with Monday are just bad - end of the weekend, start of the work/school week, end of fun time... if you associate something good (like a loss), then you'll have something to look forward to and what better day to do that than Monday? Monday... the loneliest and least appreciated day of the week, this is your comeuppance, my friend! I'm happy to be alive another day, no matter what day of the week. Another bonus I added to Monday was making it back/shoulders day at the gym - my least favorite muscles to abuse with weight lifting! I work twice as hard to get my back and shoulders to the level they need to be at so that eventually I won't have to work twice as hard on them, so far it's working (lol). Hello Monday, welcome... this is where the adventure begins.

I've decided to start this blog from scratch, so the weight loss I've had in the past will stay there and this will be only about weight loss from this day onward. With that being said... I'll introduce you to this "starting" weight, it's "x." As I lose more weight and am not completely embarrassed by the number on the scale I'll divulge my starting weight, but there are a few things I want to point out. I've read many stories, Facebook entries, message board messages, etc. by people that are looking to lose weight. For instance "omg, I am 125 lbs and 6' tall, I am A TUB OF LARD! HALP," "I just hit 150 lbs, shoot me," "After Christmas I can only fit into my medium size clothes, I'm such a fatty," so forth and so on. That being said - I am not here to belittle or berate myself, but I am also not here to make anyone else feel bad about being the size they are. I mean, come ON - I know perfectly healthy people that wear L, and even XL, stupid comments like "I just broke 120 lbs" may not seem like much, but to the people that think so badly of themselves because of their weight... now read that you're disgusted by your piddly number? They have to wonder what you think of them and then probably think worse of themselves. I can say that because I have been that person... "Wow, you say you're fat at 130 lbs - I don't know if I even want to know what you think of me." It hurt my feelings and that's the last thing I want to do to anyone... to make them feel bad about the person they are. Be happy and proud of who you are, if you need to fix something to feel better about yourself and/or your health and you are able to fix it, then... fix it. It's that simple.

Bottom line is this:


1.) Accept what you have become and if you don't like it - change it. This does not exclusively apply to weight, it applies to every aspect of your life. If you're too shy, too loud, too clingy, too distant, too annoying, not annoying enough (what?), lazy... the list goes on and on. You and you alone dictate what becomes of your life - you got to the point you're at with the decisions you've made and your reaction to events/things that were out of your control. Take the reins.

2.) Not everyone is created equal... in terms of weight loss and ideal weight. With varying metabolisms, body builds, heights, ages, ability to gain and lose fat/muscle, emotions, work, family, LIFE... these are all things we have to factor in when it comes to becoming the person we see ourselves as.

3.) You have to be willing to do the work. As much as I would love to score a trip to The Biggest Loser Ranch and have Dolvett and/or Bob work this butt off... it's time to accept that a life change requires more than a jumpstart - it requires time, patience, and dedication. One thing I carry with me is Dolvett's motto of "Hard work! Dedication!" That's what it's all about. If you want a miracle drug or a quick-fix... you aren't ready to be healthy. Get it in your head, let it sink in - this isn't going to be easy, you're going to have to work. Aside from that... know that YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL. Yes, even you.

4.) Do this for you and no one else. It's okay to have people that you want to be healthy for, but realize your worth to them and why it's important that you gain your health back.


This song is dedicated to you, with a little help... we can get where we need to be.

Day One

Now marks a more technical portion of this blog. I will be charting my food and activity every day. I am having a hard time uploading pictures of the foods I ate today, but in the future plan to post pictures of the food as well.

I use www.livestrong.com, it helps me track what I'm eating via my iPhone so that it's virtually impossible for me to lose track of what I've eaten. Today, I did not do so well, I was way under on my calories and had some bad foods tossed in - this is reality, it happens. It's important to ingest the proper amount of calories, especially when you're working out (as I am 5 days a week, the 2 days off are spread out on Tuesday and Saturday). This needs improvement and with time it will get there.

Breakfast/post-workout:
Protein Shake (1 scoop of whey protein powder + H2O)
1/2 lg. banana

Lunch:
Morningstar Spicy Black Bean "burger" + mustard
1/2 lg. roasted carrot
1/2 roasted russet potato

Afternoon Snack:
Morningstar Corndog + mustard

Dinner:
1 slice mesquite smoked turkey
3 baby carrots
1/2 c. spinach
bowl of fruit: fresh pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries - sprinkled with 1 packet of Truvia

Special treat:
1/2 bag of Homestyle popcorn
1 c. diet coke


This is what my chart looks like after calculating gym time:
Training:
Elliptical: 10 mins.
Weight lifting (free weights, machine): 45 minutes
Estimated calories burned: 724

Daily Intake Totals

Cals: 862

Fat: 21 g

Cholesterol: 70 mg

Sodium: 1667 mg

Carbs: 155 g

Fiber: 23 g

Protein: 60 g

Sugars: 57 g

Your Recommended Daily Allowance based on a 2,000 calorie diet scaled to your calorie goal. 

Your Customized Nutrient Goals Revert to Recommended Daily Allowance

Cals: 1569

Fat: 51 g

Cholesterol: 235 mg

Sodium: 1883 mg

Carbs: 235 g

Fiber: 20 g

Protein: 39 g

Sugars: 36.11

I have a lot of work ahead of me!

The Beginning

It was important to me that I start this blog the week after the first week of the new year. At the end of 2011 I was not in the shape I wanted to be in. I was ~80 lbs. lighter than I had been in 2010, but I struggled with small gains here and there and plateaus and had been discouraged. I had to take a look back and see what factors in my life were holding me back from achieving my goal. Let's just say... there were many things that I had allowed to dictate my life. By November 2011 - I promised myself that over the next few years I would work my hardest to get to a healthy weight and maintain it, unlike all the times in the past that I made this "resolution," I was ready to stick to it, it wasn't a "quick fix" or a "diet" by standard definition... it was an overhaul - my life would never be the same again.

 Without delving too much into my past for the first post, I had put on weight after being somewhat physically active in school. I played basketball, was a cheerleader, ran track (short distance), and I had dance. Dance was my getaway, it allowed me to be who I wanted to be, who I thought I was, and who I wanted to become. I was always a little "chunky," I was 140 lbs. my Senior year of high school. I felt FAT. After high school was when the weight gain truly started, many things happened in my life during and after high school that determined the person I would be over the next 10 years; however, the effects those events had on me were my decision. That's right - I chose to go into that downward spiral, allowing my life to get out of control, creating excuses for laziness and my eating habits, and my new-found gaming addiction. This blog is already getting too wordy, so I'll cut to the chase: I had to become a different person, I had to become the person I wanted to be, the person I always have been, but was too scared to be. I had to take control of my life and change EVERYTHING for the better, starting from the inside out. So what am I doing? I am embracing myself, flaws and all - something everyone could stand to do. Even though the song doesn't necessarily reflect the intent of this blog, I do feel it applies. Become the "One that got away," become a better person, right your wrongs. Don't mix the message, this isn't about making exes jealous, become that mystical, mythical, legendary person that shines no matter what. This is about being a person that anyone can look at and say "THAT is a genuinely good person" and never give a reason for anyone to think anything less than just that. You are worth it, we are all worth it and I'd like to leave with a little quote that I feel applies:

"Consider it: every person you have ever met, every person will suffer the loss of his friends and family. All are going to lose everything they love in this world. Why would one want to be anything but kind to them in the meantime?" - Sam Harris

This blog is the documentation of the progress in becoming "the one that got away."