So... it's been awhile

So much has happened that I don't even know where to begin. I hurt my achilles tendon doing something screwy at the gym and that put me off my feet for 3 days. I started back slowly, mostly just swimming slowly and eventually worked my way back in to my regular routine - just with lower weights when it comes to things involving pressure on my heel/ankle.

The employees at my gym recognize me now and greet me when I come in. I've had a few trainers approach me, but seeing as I can't afford them I let them know before they go on a long shpil about it, yadda yadda. Anyway, they let me know that I can get free training twice a month with my membership and I have an appointment set up for... Valentine's Day. I have a hot date with Jay! Haha

Tonight I ran my first ten-minute mile. It may not sound like much, but when I was in junior high, I ran 13 minute miles so it was quite a feat! I've been hitting the gym hard everyday (except the days I was laid up due to the foot issues) for at least an hour and one of the employees told me I had been "killing it" and proceeded to tell me his story of going from 278 to 190 in 9 months and actually took time to talk with me about strengthening my core and wrote out a diet for me to follow for as long as I'd like - 5 days on, 2 days off and pretty much it's low-carb, sugar-free and it's what worked for him. He also told me about where my heart rate should be for fat burning and wants me to keep checking back in with him regarding my progress. All of this... for free. He's just interested in seeing how I do and if it works for me. Tomorrow I'm going in and he's going to get a circuit going for me for core strength (and let me tell you, some of those things that he showed me tonight are NOT easy) and I am SERIOUSLY excited about this.

I also got $1600+ back on my taxes and with the exception of $350.00 it will go to savings. The $350.00 is being invested in a Breville juicer - I'm ready to get my detox on! I've had numerous break-throughs and wanted to record them when they happened, but between school, busy schedule, and working out... I just get tired and have no time to log onto the computer, etc., etc. I wrote some chicken scratch that I will translate tomorrow and post. So this is my short update for now - I BROKE MY PLATEAU! Life is AWESOME!

Day Nineteen

Okay, normally Saturdays are one of my days off, but I've decided to fill those days with swimming because... well, I love swimming! Today was my first "official" swim day and I went in with a limited time and thought I'd do pretty poorly because I had 40 minutes, so I went in thinking I would probably do half a mile, but I pushed myself and took hardly any breaks... needless to say, for my first swim, I swam 1800m - that's more than a mile! I can improve A LOT, but... I swam a freaking mile! :)

When a Miracle Happens - Days 16, 17, & 18

So... thanks to my visitor that has decided to stay past its welcome... my numbers on the scale have been pretty consistent - losing 2 lbs this past week... I felt like I was ready to give up, but then something happened. While most may not call it this, but it's what I'm going to refer to it as... a miracle. I have a frienemy in my house... it has been there my entire life and I avoid this frienemy at all costs, I figure most of you have this same frienemy, it's called a mirror. If I don't HAVE to look in it, I don't. I don't look in it when I brush my teeth, I turn my back to it after I get out of the shower, I walk right past it and never look it in the eye! That blasted mirror! Well, the mirror caught me this time and this is what I found:

What is THAT?! A not-so-bulging belly?! Working out is working?! Eating healthier actually does help you lose weight? Shock! That is what came over me. I leapt in the air, today I danced and I danced hard, worked my abs, hips, legs, arms, everything... it was a breakthrough. The scale tells me one thing, the mirror told me another as did the measuring tape... yep, I've lost inches! I'm super excited and have so much more to write, but it's late, I need sleep because tomorrow is my "rest day" and I'm going to go do some laps in the pool! Hope you've all had successful and fun weeks! :)

Lucky Number 13... and days 14 & 15.

These past three days have been rough. I started Sunday thinking of a list of my motivations - my reasons for losing weight. My friend Jamie made one and I thought it was an awesome idea, something I could hang next to my little black dress on my wall - the one I hope to fit into soon. With my list came a litany of emotions and I thought since I am coming clean and being honest on this blog, I should just let it all out and be done with it and work to move on from here on out. So... I'm sorry this is going to be a mostly selfish blog entry, not so much informative, but maybe someday it will help someone else in a similar situation.

Elementary school was a nightmare for me. I started out in Kindergarten in Oklahoma, we moved to Texas for 1st grade and I went to a Christian private school and it was nothing short of horrifying - they MADE me lie - they asked every first grader to write a story about something they stole. I told my teacher I had never stolen anything and she said "Everyone has, just think" and when I told her I had honestly never stolen anything, even accidentally she grew exasperated with me and the entire class was looking at me. I felt like an outcast so I made up some story about stealing a cookie out of a cookie jar in a neighbor's apartment... I went home in tears. Mom withdrew me and enrolled me at another smaller private school where I went for 3 years, then in 4th grade I had to go to a public school, luckily I had a few neighborhood friends at that school, but the transition was still a little tough. 6th grade I had to move to yet another school in another town - I once decided to be color coordinated and wore a black and yellow number... only to be called "bumblebee" for the rest of the day with kids laughing at me, including my crush. Luckily (maybe unluckily) we stayed in the same town from 7th grade through 12th. Anyway, the early transitions to 4 different elementary schools were rough... I had also hit that awkward stage before the growth spurt where kids get chubby, then sprout up. Unfortunately I already had an "outsider" complex and kids making fun of my weight just made it that much worse. I bucked up, when 7th grade hit I ran for student council president and got it, I was a cheerleader, on the track team, basketball team, but something else happened. In these junior high years I barely made the basketball team (my dad and brothers all played basketball throughout school), I think they let me on because I was crying. Then came time for our team pictures and I had a pudgy belly and in the group shot of cheerleaders one popular girl was mad because she had to be the person on her hands and knees while another girl stood on her back so... I ended up being that person. It wouldn't have been a problem if that's what I was given, but I was next to the head cheerleader in the picture and this girl was talking about how stupid it made her feel, etc., etc. - basically she was complaining about looking like a "dog" so then I got demoted to that position, reluctantly. Yeah, it's true - things stick with you from early on and if you used to be a bully, you may want to think about that.

I can already see this is going to be too long-winded so I'm going to break it down and just get through the rest of this. In high school I was sexually harassed by a classmate, propositioned, and horrified from there after. I didn't want anything to do with any boys and pretty much stayed away, secretly harboring whatever crushes I had. I wanted to get out of high school, after the harassment I put on a little more weight. After high school I was raped by my boyfriend at the time and my world fell apart. I had held on to the ideology of "one person for life" and that virginity belongs to the husband and wife, etc. I stayed in the relationship and gained more weight and finally broke the relationship off after years. A few years later I ran into the person I truly thought was the love of my life, except that he cheated on me with at least one girl, he was a master manipulator and I wasn't in good shape mentally so it was easy to continue in a relationship based on distrust - I did it once, maybe this one was different and he wasn't lying to me though. So no, as it turns out... he wasn't. So from the weight gain that started in high school and only recently ended... I added 150 lbs. to my 5'8" frame.

I'm fortunate that I have not suffered any health problems from the weight gain, blood tests are all exceptional, blood pressure is great, blood glucose levels are exceptional, cholesterol is low, by all means - I have maintained "health" while growing obese. Mentally is another story altogether. I'm broken, I broke down this weekend, did everything I was supposed to do, but as I wrote my motivations, I had to think back on all the things I wanted to be... so, without further ado, here is my list:


1.) To dance again. My passion was always dance, even next to the stick figure ballerinas... one thing that made me feel wonderful was dance. It's who I am and I will be a dancer again... soon. To dance in a leotard and tights and not feel like the hippos in Fantasia.

2.) To help other people struggling with their health because of their weight - I want to help people, but if you don't help yourself first... how can another person trust you to help them?

3.) To not be ashamed of going to the pool in a swimming suit.

4.) To do more active things and take photographs - hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing, skiing, snowboarding, kayaking...

5.) To do whatever I want to do and have nothing holding me back from reaching my goals.

6.) To love myself and take this weight off that I've been using as a buffer between myself and society.

7.) To be the person I know I am and have always known is inside of me. I don't feel like a person that lazes around, munches, lazes around some more, does the bare minimum... I feel like a person that can do anything, it's time to stop being that scared girl and see the strength that brought me this far.

8.) Cocktail dresses... I have always wanted to wear these cute dresses, but I just look ridiculous in them... :)

Day(s) Eleven & Twelve

This week has been a crazy week, at times I seem overwhelmed with everything I have to keep up with. I have to count calories, I have to make sure I eat what I'm supposed to eat before and after the gym, I have to make it to the gym and be there 'x' hours/minutes, measure food, drink 64 oz. of water, yadda, yadda, yadda! When I think I'm getting the hang of things it's like I have something else I have to pile on top of it, something else to adjust... last week was the amount of calories I was taking in, now that I'm taking in enough calories I need to figure out my weights and maybe do more reps instead of doing fewer reps with more weight... this came to my attention when I was doing 100 lb. presses and a guy with major muscles was using the same machine with the same weight, same number of reps. My Dad was a coach for a portion of his life and he has always been physically fit, still works out at 69 years old and he voiced some concern - while I was bragging about my ability to do all this heavy lifting, he asked what I was trying to do. I told him I wanted to lose weight through muscle building, he said I need to use lower weights and do more reps and that will get the "tone" I am looking for. We argued about this until we were blue in the face, but my numbers don't lie - my method is working. You see, muscle burns more calories than your fat does, about 5x as much actually - strength training combined with cardio will help you get that ultimate "burn" people that want to lose weight are looking for. My next thought was "So what if I get bulky?" That is not what I'm going for, but I fully believe that if you get to a point where you are more muscular than you want to be, you can adjust your routine accordingly and lower your weights! Honestly, the form I most want is likened to Jillian Michaels (see below).

 

I realize no two body types are the same, but I'd like to be this toned with her arm muscles and partially well-defined abs - to me, she looks awesomely fit and extremely healthy. New subject!

My friend, Jamie at http://beyondthefat.blogspot.com/, has made a list of her motivations to lose weight, I only have a little black dress hanging on the wall that I aspire to fit in eventually, but I love her idea of having a list! Something to look at on those days when you're ready to throw in the towel for the day or when you just want to take a day off. I challenge everyone to do this - I think it is something positive to add and can help you mentally prepare for the weight loss "journey." So... I will be back Sunday or Monday with my list! Feel free to respond with your own, maybe I'll modify mine as time goes by and I get more responses! :) Hope you've all had a good day, sorry my entries haven't been daily, it will get better as I adjust to my new school/study schedule.

Day Nine & Ten

This is a tough blog to post...

Yesterday was my weigh-in day and I was devastated to find out I had only lost 1.2 lbs after busting my butt all week at the gym, so I decided I needed to bust it again and went to the pool and tried to work off the other 8.8 lbs I wanted to lose during the week. Sadly, weight loss doesn't work like that. Fortunately for me, I found out a small little reason I didn't lose as much as I expected - water weight. Squeamish gentlemen stop reading here, I'll start a new paragraph that you can begin reading. I have been so focused on measuring foods, scheduling workouts, doing school assignments, and taking care of my Mom that I had forgotten one very important thing - my menstrual cycle. I awoke this morning and suddenly realized that I was not going crazy and my body was not rebelling, it was doing what it does every month before my period - adding water weight, but this time I still managed to LOSE 1.2 lbs. I figure at least 5 lbs. is going to be water weight so for my next weigh in I can probably expect a fairly dramatic loss. It is SO easy to get discouraged when you are trying to lose weight and you get a smaller number than you were expecting or even gain a little... we don't need to let that happen though, it's imperative to keep a positive attitude and accept that things happen, our body plateaus, we have a particularly stressful/busy week. Even with all these reasons, we should never use these as an excuse to give up or take a break from what we're doing. It would be so easy to say "Oh, screw it! I am done, I'm just going to eat healthy and hope that's enough,"or simply "I give up, this is just how I am." Remember... once you set your mind to it, follow through.

I've found myself becoming hungry late at night... for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact that I'm not eating enough calories - I've got to learn to better manage my meals and eating times. Secondly, I'm staying up way later than usual and doing things such as this blog and using Netflix to find documentaries about weight loss, organic foods, vegan diets, etc. A movie that I ran across awhile back was "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead," it made me question many things. You see, the film is about a man named Joe who is overweight, on medications for numerous conditions due to obesity, and is pretty much knocking on death's door if he didn't do something to help himself. Joe documents his journey to a healthier person via juicing. While the film is very informative and shines a light on many things including the average American diet... the big attention grabber was the fact that Joe lost around 80 lbs. in 60 days just by juicing alone. Another guy, Phil, lost an astonishing amount of weight as well. Both went on to keep the weight off, but are still in an "overweight" weight range. Still... much better than morbidly obese. Here is the movie if you're interested, this is hulu, it's free to watch:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/289122/fat-sick-and-nearly-dead

I have to admit I thought numerous times of doing what he did in the video, Joe was nice enough to include the prices of the juicing per week, inorganic and organic as well. Sadly... I did not have $1,000 to spend for 60 days of juicing because I am without a job and am going to school. If you have the means - go for it, but please consult a physician before embarking on that fast. It is also important to note that both men added physical activity into their lives to maintain their weight loss and I think it's still important to note that these men are still a bit overweight. With some tweaking, I do believe juicing can be beneficial, even for just a 10-day detox, sadly I think most people that try this will expect to do a 10-day "fast" and go back to their normal way of life and gain everything back. If you can't afford this "miracle diet," it gives you a bit of information on nutrition and is helpful. I honestly learned quite a bit from this video and I've taken countless biology courses - nutrition, anatomy, physiology, microbiology, yadda, yadda... I just want to say one last thing and I'll end the blog for today... taking an easy, fast way to your goal isn't always the answer and CAN backfire, especially if you are unaware of what is going on with your body. It's important to keep your focus on one objective and get there, there are enough details to figure out and fix along the way. :)

Message of the Day: Don't get discouraged, even when you feel like this:

Day Eight

Okay, so this marks the beginning of the second week of this blog, third week of my workout routine/diet change/lifestyle change.

Today was rough, with the diet change and trying a new vegan restaurant, I went way under my calories... again. This time I was 1500 under by dinner time, so I pumped as much as I could into dinner, but 1500 is a lot if you do not eat junk food. I still have somewhere near 800 calories left and I was stuffed so I had to stop trying.

It's so hard going in to the gym and looking around at so many fit people... it's hard to think that when they look at you they aren't muttering something derogatory about you under their breath, but it just isn't true. I'm sure there are some people that may be like that, but I know there are some that have been in the same boat or are in the same boat... and some of them just genuinely hope you stick to it and tough it out. People that are at the gym to be healthy should be supportive of anyone that walks through that door wanting to improve themselves and if they don't, what does it matter? Do you really care what a person that empty and superficial thinks? If you do... you shouldn't. Just think about the leaps and bounds you're making just by stepping into a gym!

Another thing - when life just seems to deal you blow after blow... you just don't WANT to get up and do anything. You feel bad, you don't want to do anything - GET TO THE GYM! Or do something active! Get your exercise on, release some endorphins and your mood will pick up in no time flat!

One more thing - once you get your schedule going around the gym... don't do the same things over and over. Work different areas different days. The last thing you want is to get bored with your workout. Try mixing up the intensity of your cardio - go hard and slow it down, but always keep your heart rate up! I work chest and shoulders one day, biceps and back the next and legs after that... cardio is a part of my everyday routine, even my days off. Those cardiac muscles are the key to life, take care of them.

This coming week I will be adding swimming to my week, we'll see if I'm completely worn out next Sunday! Haha :)